I have flaws – lots of the them. Inside and out
My flaws start with low self esteem. I want to feel loved and needed. While I am comfortable being alone, I would much prefer to spend my time enjoying a meaningful conversation with a person with whom I feel a soul connection with than spending another Saturday night building puzzles alone drinking wine. I get lost in groups of people. I struggle making small talk. People ask me “why can’t you just have a “normal” conversation? I like the fringe, the weird, the unexpected. I expect to be let down by the people I love the most. I make assumptions about people I don’t even know and those that I do as well. I don’t follow my own advice. As much as I want to see a half full glass, I struggle. I won’t even get started on my physical short comings. I am painfully aware of these shortcomings. They have cost me friends, relationships, promotions, even my marriage.
Yesterday while unpacking a box of personal effects, I came across a Geode (see picture above) that an old friend had given me years ago. I have moved this Geode three times, always keeping it close to me, because it reminded me of a deep friendship long ago lost.
This past week, I have been feeling like a huge part of me is missing, a loneliness I have never felt so intensely in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from seasonal mood disorder, after all, it’s gray, damp and lifeless everywhere. Are our emotions a mirror of our environments?
Often times, before I go to bed, I try to set an intention for my dreams. I rarely remember my dreams, but I always set these intentions. I believe that in the dream world, our Higher Self, Soul Groups, loved ones no longer with us, and the Universe are communicating with us. In the dream space, there is no time or space, we are truly free. In my intentions I usual ask for signs, for guidance, to help me find my personal legend. These signs come through not only in dreams but in our daily lives, if we are looking, synchronicity, or “sinks” as I call them in my Bumpkinese. They are guideposts, if we have the courage to follow them.
Unexpectedly finding that Geode felt like a sign, an answer to an Intention I had set asking for guidance. I was a pretty low place emotionally and unpacking boxes of useless junk I have held onto for years, wasn’t boasting my spirits. Feeling compelled to talk to my friend who had given it to me, I messaged her a picture an asked why she had given it to me (after all, it is kind of an asymmetrical gift).
She said she gave it to me to always remind me “to believe in yourself because there is always something more on the inside of me than what I (and others) see on the surface.” Of course my knee-jerk reaction was to assume the negative, That this was some how saying that despite all of your physical imperfections, there is something beautiful on the inside…but there is a much deeper meaning in it’s simplicity.
Holding the Geode in my hand and reflecting more on the rock itself and her comment, it dawned on me…we are all Geodes. Most of us see our own flaws much more amplified than others see our flaws (other than that occasional asshole in our lives that we need to delete from our lives anyway). We also highlight the flaws in others as a way to mask our own shortcomings. I am certainly guilty of this. We all have struggles, some of us hide them better than others. We are all scared of the same basic things. We all want to love and be loved. We all want to laugh and be free. We all want peace, health, abundance, and gratitude.
This simple rock taught me that I need to stop feeling bad for myself. I need to stop judging others. I need stop following the rules and start perusing my passions and desires because I am no longer afraid of rejection or failure. I need to forgive those that have wronged me and stop holding on to the past. We all have imperfections, struggles, but we all also have something beautiful inside of us, that has been walled off for our own reasons. It is up to us, to open our walls, to let others see our inner beauty and for us to see that same beauty in others.
JJC
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” – Bruce Lee
Over a year ago, I paid for the original piece of art pictured below, to hang in my daughters’ bedroom. One because I think it encapsulates a beautiful life philosophy in four simple words and two it should remind them of a great philosopher who shares their Chinese heritage. Unfortunately, I never received the artwork. I was bitter about never receiving it. The art community is generally an amazing group of people, that I know from the fringe. I am sad that I never received it, but I am also finally forgiving the artist, I am sure he had good reasons for not sending it and which him nothing but love and light. Godspeed and be water my friends.
Recommended reading related to this post:
- Interested in learning more about discovering your personal legend – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
- Is something missing in your love life, marriage, or you just need wisdom or hope about your relationship future…never read a channeled book? Want to learn about Soul Mates, finding your Twin Flame? You think channeling is bullshit, read this book and tell me that there isn’t a Higher Intelligence captured in these writings – Masters’ Guide to Love, Relationship & Soul Mates – Channeled by Mataare
- Like the Bruce Lee philosophy and want more – The Warrior Within: The Philosophies of Bruce Lee by John Little
- Want to learn how to dream lucidly, so do I, try this book – Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LeBerge
- Doubt that there is evidence of an afterlife or are interested in finding out what happens when we die…soul groups, reincarnation – Life Between Lives: Hypnotherapy for Spiritual Regression by Dr. Michael Newton
An Asymmetrical Life 