I have been thinking about death a lot lately. Which is another way of saying that I have been thinking about life a lot lately.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts. Recently I have been filling that void by obsessively listening to podcasts…two podcasts in particular. The Tim Ferriss Show is what got me started down the podcast rabbit hole. Being slightly neurotic, I had to start at the beginning and work my way to the most recent episode. Along the way books have been purchased and my life’s perspective is really starting to change. It wasn’t long before I discovered a guest named James Altucher (Episode 18 to be exact) and started reading his blog about ideas for a world out of balance and added James’ podcast to my repertoire.
For those of you keeping score at home, I just finished Episode 62 of the Tim Ferriss show (only listening to a few future ones because I couldn’t remain patient enough based on my interest in the guest). I can recommend this podcast to anyone that is feeling unproductive, wasteful, looking for an edge or a way to hack their job, heath, workout routine, or just looking for a broad spectrum of interesting topics and unique perspectives from some of the world’s top performers across a wide spectrum of topics.
However, my approach with the James Altucher Show has been totally different. I pick shows based on the guest or the topic. I would recommend this podcast to anyone that wants to be inspired, feels stuck in rut, stuck in a job, underutilized, under appreciated, or feels like their is a massive void in their life. Don’t get me wrong, this is a business podcast, but it is so much more. On a personal level, I find that I relate more to James than Tim at this juncture in my life, but give both a try.
I will Have the Arby’s 5×5
It won’t take you long after listening to either show to hear either the hosts or guest toss out the famous quote from Jim Rohn “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
In a blog post James expanded on this idea with is 5×5 Rule which I will summarize here:
- You are the average of the five people around you.
- You are the average of the five things that inspire you the most.
- My thoughts are the average of the five things I think about.
- My body and mind are the average of the five things I “eat”.
- I am the average of the five things I do to help people each day.
As I dwell on the topic death and the current state of my life, I have been toying with this 5×5 Rule as a way to make simple changes in my life, with the anticipation that they will cumulatively lead to a much better quality of life.
Let’s breakdown maxim number one – You are the average of the five people around you. For me, this should be explored even more microscopically. In your personal life, where you establish a significant portion of your quality of life, that quality starts with the five people you spend the most of your personal time with. Are you in a relationship? If that relationship isn’t something that excites, invigorates, motivates, and fills you with love everyday, maybe you should reconsider it. Who are the friends you are spending time with? Do they inspire you? Make you laugh? Pick you up when you are sad? Or do they drag you down the vortex of drama, negativity, consternation, anxiety, and guilt?
How about the place where most of us choose to spend a large portion of our time every week, work? You are the average of the five people around you at work. Are you working for a boss that respects you, shows you gratitude, helps you develop, is honest with you, and inspires you to grow professionally? Who are your peers and co-workers? Are they catty, petty, and sabotaging or do they encourage you, motivate, and push you to be the best version of your professional self? Who are the five people that you socialize with from work? Are they advancing their careers, growing, teaching, and helping you network?
As I push to reinvent my life with the goals being abundance, gratitude, health and love, I find myself reevaluating everyone and everything in my life. Are they helping me achieve my goals? What do they say about my priorities? Am I being honest with myself? Here are four additional maxims that I am contemplating and I would encourage you to reflect on these topics in your own life.
- Your mind is the average of the five things you watch on television/internet every week (let’s hope it’s not every day…then you are definitely watching too much tv).
- Your perspective is shaped by the average of the five top social media influencers you follow.
- Your priorities are the average of the last five non-essential items you have purchased.
- Your goals are limited by the average of the five obstacles in your life to you are avoiding.
If I were to list out these things in my current life, it would be rather embarrassing. But it is within that embarrassment, that great truth can be found. What does my embarrassment say about me, how I spend my time, my priorities, who I let influence me, and why do I care about any of this?
I don’t really watch much TV on a weekly basis, but here’s what I have been watching. I am the average of these five things I watch every week:
- Fraizer – I have been working through sitcom on Netflix watching a couple of episodes a week
- Love – Netflix series primarily because E from the eels is in a couple of episodes
- Stranger Things – Season 2
- Pittsburgh Dad weekly youtube videos
- Some kind of random youtube video on conspiracy theories on ancient aliens
I have been making a conscious effort to significantly reduce my social media usage, especially Facebook, but here are the top five social media influencers that are shaping the way I see the world:
- James Altucher – redundant I know
- Mel Fabregas – I have had the pleasure of meeting Mel a couple of times and can’t say enough kind words about him.
- Ramit Sethi – He will teach you how to be rich
- Neil Kramer – a true philosopher, living amoung us in the here and now
- Tim Ferriss
Here’s where the embarrassment starts to go up as I start to reflect on my last five non-essential purchases. The law of averages really starts making sense for me as I list these out.
- Beer and food at Dive Bar in Wexford Pa – 12/10/17
- Dinner at Chengdu Gourmet – Best Chinese food in Pittsburgh, hands down 12/9/17
- Ticket to Kennywood to see the Winter Lights with my daughters 12/9/17
- Coffee for myself and hot chocolate at Starbucks – 12/9/17
- Beer, food, and ticket for the Penguins game 12/7/17
At least five out of these five things were sort of experiences. Definately spending way too much money on beer and bar food. I certainly have a lot of work to do here!
My goals are limited by these five obstacles. While this list required the least amount of thought, it is certainly one that needs the most attention from myself.
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of criticm
- Lack of confidence
- Procrastination
- Fear of taking a risk
While I am really good at encouraging others to step out on to the ledge, I am gripped by fear. I let it rule over me. But I am taking steps, even seeing these words on a screen, is sort of refreshing in a way, an acknowledgement of what is holding me back.
Speaking of embarrassment, take a look at shirt James is wearing for his Ted Talk, he must have taken it out of the package right from Macy’s before getting on stage…but once you get past that, there is a very deep message in there. It is Choose Yourself!
The good news is that change can start this minute. Recently I cancelled cable TV. I am in the process of selling, donating, or trashing my unnecessary possessions. I find the reduction of physical clutter in my life is transforming into my personal life. I am not perfect, far from it, but if I can improve, even 1%, every day, think about the long term overall lift in quality of life. How much more money will we all have, if we re-prioritize our spending? Think about your daily exercise routine. If you improved just 1% everyday, how much stronger, faster, dare I say, happier you would be with your time at the gym. Even small changes can be epic. Sometimes it just takes the right inspiration.
I think about this picture a lot and every morning I tell myself to be courageous, if not for myself, for my daughters. It’s never to late to change yourself…never
An Asymmetrical Life 